Dalszövegek

Repülős viccek


Pilots are people who drive airplanes for other people who can't fly.
Passengers are people who say they fly, but really just ride.

Fighter Pilots are steely eyed, weapons systems managers who kill bad people and break things. However, they can also be very charming and personable.

The average fighter pilot, despite sometimes having a swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. (However, these feelings don't involve anyone else.)

Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane; the pessimist, the parachute.

Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.

As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you (and one of them will):
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft, knowing it is your last flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft, not knowing it is your last flight.

There are rules and there are laws:
- The rules are made by men who think that they know how to fly your airplane better than you.
- The laws (of physics) were ordained by God.
You can and sometimes should suspend the rules, but you can never suspend the laws.

About Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance (e.g., if you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)

Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel tanks are full.

He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he who demands one iota more is a fool.

There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night and over the ocean. Most of them are scary.

The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits.

"If the Wright brothers were alive today, Wilbur would have to fire Orville to reduce costs." (CEO QANTAS)

In the Australian outback, I'd rather have a two-hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa.

An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex was safe!!

Airlines have really changed; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

I've flown in both pilot seats. Can someone tell me why the other one is always occupied by an idiot?

You have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. You can't do both.


United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!'


On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. '


'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane'


An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'


As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'


After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.'


Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'


Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo ..... Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'


'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments. '


'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses..... ....except for that gentleman over there.'


Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City.
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'


After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'


Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways..'


Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'


A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom; 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.... OH, MY GOD!'
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'


A man boarded a plane with six kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"
He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints. "
I WISH I COULD THINK THAT QUICKLY.


Login
Password
NewbieLogin
MagyarEnglish
Webmaster  | Terms and Conditions  | SiteMap  | CPS Portal Engine  | Privacy Policy  | Webmaster

©2019 4WAY